Sex in Black , White – Story 02

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“It’s all right for a woman to be, above all, human. I am a woman first of all.”

-Anais Nin


There are a staggering number of sex sites simmering out there. It took me a full week to make up my mind!

Eventually, one in particular caught my eye, but at first, all I would allow myself, was a little browsing. Never having done anything like it before, I needed to get a feel for how it worked; for how complete strangers hooked up online.

Cocks were everywhere – lots of them. The thought of them intrigued me. Surfing about on, my eyes absorbed their individual features, their large balls, their veiny textures, their cut and uncut tips. They drew and repelled me.

As expected, there were few women profiled and for those who did appear, I wondered idly about their reasons for being there. I questioned whether some might be plants to lure men into using the service. Like me, others, I concluded, had to be for real and were genuinely looking for sex.

Cravingyou wouldn’t let me browse fully, unless I first created a full-blown profile. That angered me, but not enough to pull back.

And their questions! They were so blatantly sexual that at one point I indignantly slammed my laptop shut, thinking they could go to hell. But by then, it was too late as the idea had taken hold in my mind and I had to admit, there was something erotic about baring myself anonymously to complete strangers.

So I inched along, spending hours focusing my eyes on huge erections and overly inviting sidelines written by men looking for willing women to fuck.

And there was my profile itself. I had to decide what to include in the stark barrenness of their questionnaire. Should I say this? Should I include that? Is it naïve to admit what I really want? The questions kept coming.

The uncertainty of not knowing in whose hands my image might eventually end up nagged at me and I found the whole thing harder than expected. But after a few days of toying with the wording, I finally pulled it together; my very own page.

When finished, my index finger shook slightly as it hovered over the mouse and I tapped once, but too lightly, and then too lightly a second time. Neither one registered. On the third try, I managed to click send and instantly became visible to the whole world.

Question: How big a role does sex play in your life?

* Answer – No role at all. But it’s something I wish to explore with an experienced partner who doesn’t mind getting creative.

It was true about my sex life. I didn’t have one. An understatement to say the least; I was totally uninvolved. Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been three years since I last got laid! Any way you look at it, an eternity between partners.

At the time, my experience amounted to this: I had allowed one man — although granted, I’d endured him a dozen times – into one of my body’s entrances. So yes, my sex life certainly was limited. But my horizons weren’t. Where sexuality is concerned, women should have the same freedoms as men do – it’s a “parity thing”. Of that, I was sure. If I wanted creative sex, I would have creative sex and I didn’t need a steady boyfriend to do it.

Question: How much enjoyment do you get from giving or receiving oral sex?

*Answer – I’ve never tried either, but am curious about both.

Given the day and age, I felt brave to admit it. Twenty-three and kartal escort bayan I hadn’t sucked a cock. My sex had never been feasted on by some ravenous boy.

Surely, it was long overdue but I still found the prospect scary, especially the fellatio part. What if I was no good? What if I couldn’t even make him hard? And what if I wasn’t able to come when he reciprocated? All men expect us to love it, after all. Would he be insulted if I didn’t?

Question: Do you swallow?

*Answer – No.

Well, I wouldn’t and hated the thought of it.

But Anya was clear about this. “Men adore it, Taryn,” she had said. Washing the dishes when she told me, she hadn’t so much as turned around to face me for emphasis. It was expected of me and was something she took for granted. But I couldn’t. And I knew it.

“Frankly, I don’t care what men love Anya,” I retorted petulantly. “And I don’t want them to love me. If I ever do it, it will have to be on my terms.” This time she did turn around and her look was stern.

But knowing my strong feelings, Anya counseled rehearsal. “Listen to me,” she said. “Take a spoon and a container of plain yogurt. Sit in front of a mirror and drop a dollop onto your tongue. Play with it like a porn star mouthing a fresh load. Then, stop thinking for a change and swallow in a gulp.” I frowned at her. “Do it, Taryn,” she urged. “It’s good practice!” The idea seemed ludicrous to me but she was so serious and because I loved her, I tried it — with her there.

The project only lasted a minute because as soon as that first spoonful hit my tongue, I resolved it might just as well have been “it.” And like the complete failure I was, my hand flew to my mouth as I ran off to vomit. “I’ll never be a swallower, Anya!” I cried into the echoing ring of the toilet. I wanted sympathy and knew she was disappointed.

But she had accomplished her goal and I learned that if a man ever did come in my mouth, I’d panic and scramble around the room in search of the nearest potted plant to spit in. Options, I needed options! Anyway, I would have to be careful about this as I didn’t want to make a scene with a man.

Anya had half-expected it. “If that doesn’t work,” she advised, “let him come on those gorgeous boobs, Taryn. Then rub his sperm over them like it’s warm body lotion. They’ll shimmer in candlelight and he’ll like that.” Humph. I doubted I’d have the inclination to do that either, but because it was her, I decided to keep an open mind.

Question: If you don’t swallow, would you be willing to try it?

*Answer – For the right partner, I would consider it.

This was nearly a complete lie but I had to post it that way. And besides, I concluded, I just might, for the “right partner.” Maybe for a guy I was really into, for someone I truly loved – or at least liked a lot — then I might…might swallow.

But afterward, I thought, what if I retch right in front of him? How gross would that be? He’d be insulted by my rejection of his manhood’s sticky distillate. The prospect was too revolting for words.

Though it was undeniably out of the question, I persisted in leaving the dishonest “I would consider it” answer on my page, thinking I wouldn’t get any hits without a swallow alternative. A girl has to make sacrifices sometimes.

Question: What are your thoughts on anal sex?

*Answer – I haven’t tried it either, but am very escort maltepe interested.

I hadn’t tried it, and my restrained but underlined answer barely hid my biggest secret. Yes, I was interested, but not just interested – interested, in fact, I was very interested, no, I was very, very interested!

Truth be told, I wanted it in two part harmony. Anal was one, and I so needed to be filled back there. But I didn’t want just any anal. I wanted it deep and had fantasized about it since prepubescence, when I had secretly found unspeakable bliss, inserting whatever I had; graduating from hairbrush handles to anal probes to…well, the jury remained out on that final step.

In any event, I loved it, and the fact that it would hurt made it all the better. The idea of being stretched – forced even – was gripping. Anal…yes, I wanted it, and the deeper the better, so though the cock I chose wasn’t the biggest one I’d fondled in my mind’s eye, it was long – and I thirsted for long. Anya was right. Big, that is, “thick”, could wait for later.

Question: What’s the largest number of people you’ve shared a sexual encounter with in one session?

*Answer – I’ve only had one-on-one sex.

One guy. A paltry few times; experiences which hadn’t been terribly satisfying to say the least and to make matters worse, I hadn’t orgasmed, not once, and I wondered if I could even accomplish that little feat with any man.

Of course, long before that first time, I knew how to make myself climax. So as I lay beneath him, and despite his frantic thrusts, my mind wandered, past fleeting images; images of the most severe of my cravings; to have a man bind my wrists, forcing my legs wide apart and abusing my wanton rectum. But back then, like now, I just couldn’t bring myself to come right out and share such secrets with a man, at least not outright.

Somehow it seemed like it was a man’s job anyway, I thought huffily. He should think of such things! What good was he if he only wanted nice sex, I wondered? In any case, I assumed someone with the audacity to post photos of his erection on Cravingyou, would show some imagination without promptings from a humble woman.

Considering what he was getting in return, I shouldn’t have to give him specifics, but in the section that followed, I more or less did anyway.

Question: What types of sexual activities turn you on?

*Answer – Giving Oral Sex – Receiving Oral Sex – Anal Sex – Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.) – Rimming – Light Bondage – Mutual Masturbation – Handcuffs/Shackles – Blindfolds

There, in the end, I had laid it all out as plainly as I could. And anyone worth fucking could see where I wanted all of this to go. I mean really; rimming? Shackles? All with a total stranger? What else did I need to say?

After that, it was only a matter of finding a willing participant with a long dick, who could read and who might recognize something truthful from a girl if it fell on him. There had to be someone like that out there.

Question: What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you?

*Answer – Water Sports/Urine, Cross-dressing, Making home “movies”, Participating in erotic photography, Coprophilia/Scat

Yuck. No thank you. Question: Have you ever had erotic pictures or video taken of you?

* Answer – Not that I know of.

Frankly, though I prayed I wasn’t videotaped during my first experience, pendik escort these days a girl just never knew.

The “secretly taped movies” phenomenon frightened everyone. Anya told me she’d been filmed once. She was heartbroken that her former boyfriend – that complete fucking asshole – had posted a video of her on YouPorn!

“It’s out there for gazillions of wankers,” she’d sobbed one night. “I’m such a fool, Taryn.” I felt terrible for her. She was destroyed and I didn’t know what to say. What I wouldn’t do to that guy. “Don’t ever let anyone tape you Taryn, not ever!” She made me promise.

But what if this guy I eventually hooked up with did it anyway — secretly I mean? What if he took me to a place that a bunch of boys, working together, used as a depot to get laid, a place all conveniently wired for video?

I would never know and might be equally victimized by the all-too-ready availability of modern technology. I dreaded the thought but just as I did with all dreaded thoughts, it got pushed away. I told myself I’d think about it tomorrow.

Question: Does size really matter to you?

* Answer – I think it does, but it needs to be proven. I want someone to show me one way or another.

As it turned out, though, I think big would have been nice. He was average, at least based upon my limited experience along with hours of internet penis browsing. God, some of the cocks out there were huge and I wondered how any girl could handle them!

“How do you know he’ll fit?” I asked a mildly amused Anya one day. “I mean, how big is big?”

A certified expert, she responded straight away. “Big is nice, Taryn,” she admitted matter-of-factly. “But this is the last thing you should concern yourself with now.”

“Really? But why?”

“Because any vagina can manage any cock, that’s why. It’s just the way we’re made.” She looked at me and knew at once what I was thinking. “And you listen to me, my back door pet,” she added severely. “Anal is another story and I want you to start with something…less than.”

Thinking about her precaution throughout my comprehensive research into cocks, I eventually did as she asked and settled on a “less than” overpowering erection, just in case my chronic anal yearnings found an opportunity to play themselves out. It turned out I needn’t have bothered, as he never went beyond sticking his thumb up my ass.

Question: What kind of relationship(s) do you want?

*Answer – Play partners, Short term, Casual, Fuck buddies, BDSM

About the BDSM thing: Let’s just say the very thought of being on my back, legs tied to uprights and having my cunt whipped with a riding crop seemed like heaven.

Question: What is your current dating situation?

*Answer – I’m single and want to remain that way.

I needed this little detail “out there.” No way was I looking for some deeply-rooted intimacy, at least not beyond the moment anyway. An orgasm or two — or ten – and maybe a glimpse of what it might be like to be desired was all I wanted. If that was a lover, so be it, I reasoned, but otherwise, things had to be black and white.

The train had finally arrived and as I waited to escape the bitter cold of the platform, I decided I would tell Anya tonight. No, tomorrow – yes I would wait till tomorrow, after things settled in my own head. Then I would talk to her. She’d be upset with me because she understood the dangers implicit in dealing cards to strange men from the bottom of the sexual deck. Plus, I suspected she’d assume the life she led as an escort, had somehow influenced me badly. Yes, I’d wait. I would tell her tomorrow.

End — Story 2 – Browsing

To be continued…

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