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“Okay, quiet down, quiet down, please. Everyone take your seat. This month’s meeting of the Least Appreciated Sexual Holidays will come to order,” said Stan, the Sexual Calendar Coordinator, banging his gavel to bring order to the meeting before having the secretary read the list of objectives. “For the benefit of those who haven’t participated in our monthly meetings in a while, Jack our Secretary, will read the activities from the previous months meetings. Jack if you would please, the podium is yours.”
“So far we’ve celebrated Martin Luther King’s Day in January with a naked black face play that didn’t go very well with the black community,” said Jack.
Too many people just didn’t see the humor in a bunch of white men playing Negroes,” said Stan. “They said our cocks were too small to be believable.”
“February’s Groundhog Day was a big success,” said Jack.
“That was a good idea that Hal had to make that slight variation from Groundhog to Beaver Day. We all banged a lot of beavers that day,” said Stan.
“March’s St. Patrick’s Day was a fun time with all of us playing Leprechaun tricks on our wives culminating in exchanging house keys in the middle of the night while our wives were in bed sleeping. April’s Earth Day celebration and bonding with the Earth by attending that nudist colony was a good idea, that is, until we all were kicked out for having erections. May’s Mother’s Day was a fun time by taking nude photos of our moms and exchanging them with one another,” said Jack.
“I’d personally like to thank Hal for bringing in that twenty minute video of his naked Mom masturbating. Thanks Hal. That was the highlight of May’s meeting and for those who missed it, I’m sure you could persuade Hal to lend you the DVD,” said Stan.
“Most recently June’s Father’s Day holiday was a fun time taking nude photos of our daughters and exchanging them with one another,” said Jack.
“Again, I’d like to thank Hal for bringing in that webcam of his daughter exposing herself to some stud she met online never realizing that it was her dad all along,” said Stan. “Way to go, Hal. Your daughter is quite the dancer. She may have a future stripping.”
“A Dad can only hope,” said Hal.
“Now, we come to this month’s least appreciated holiday, National Nude Day and the reason why we are all here,” said Jack looking up at his audience of perverted men.
“Thank you, Jack, nicely done,” said Stan. Everyone clapped for Jack reading the previous months activities. “Before I forget, just a reminder, next month is National Hypnosis Month. I’m expecting a lot of creativity from you guys. Hal won last year when he hypnotized his mother-in-law and had her strip naked and give him a blowjob. The video was amazing, Hal. I don’t know how you do it.”
“She still doesn’t know she blew me,” said Hal. “I hypnotized her into thinking she was sucking a lollipop.”
“Okay, so, who wants to go first and tell the group what you did to celebrate National Nude Day. As a reminder, I hope you all abided by the rules of our little National Nude Day celebration, which are you must be naked, it must be sexual, and it must be something you’ve never done before.”
“I will” said Nick waving his hand from the front row.
“Okay, Nick come on up and address the illegal bahis group. Let’s see, you told us last month that you had planned on celebrating National Nude Day anally with an anal demonstration display. Is that correct?”
“Yes, it is, Stan.”
“If you don’t mind me saying Nick, I’m a little surprised that you never had anal sex with you being Greek on your mother’s side and Turkish on your father’s.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a throwback, I guess. It never appealed to me until I chose to give it a try with last month’s meeting.”
“Okay, Nick, the floor is all yours.”
“Well, first I’d like to thank the Perverted Men’s Symposium for giving me this wonderful opportunity to expand my sexual horizons. If it wasn’t for the support of you guys, I’d really be frustrated or on the sex registry list and/or in jail. This is a great way for the group of us perverts to experience our sexual peccadilloes in a safe way without venturing in the community. It’s like we have our own in-house and in our own home perverted society. You are all a bunch of wonderful guys, especially you, Hal. Thank you.”
“PMS! PMS! PMS!” The guys clapped and cheer his little speech.
“Well, I’ll start from the beginning. As all you guys know, my wife, the love of my life, is an active and very vocal feminist.”
“Feminist my ass, she’s a butch dike,” said Hal, “and swears at and threatens any guy with an ass kicking who looks at her the wrong way.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far, as to call my wife a butch dike, Hal.”
“She wears men’s clothes, Nick, for God’s sake. She’s a dike and a butch.”
“Okay, I admit that my wife is a little socially bi-sexual and who also happens to be a feminist,” he said with a nervous laugh
“Feminist? She hates men.”
“Okay, I admit that my wife does have a preference for women over men. Thank you for making that exception public information, Hal.”
“Don’t mention it. My pleasure. It’s the least I can do.”
“Well, as you all now know, thanks to Hal, my angry, butch dike, lesbian of a wife who really hates men wouldn’t allow me to stick my cock up her ass. She was being quite the party pooper; forgive the pun, to my National Nude Day celebration.”
“Tough shit, Nick,” said Dave. “Does this mean you were successful in having anal sex?”
“Let him continue with his story,” said Stan.
“I told her that it was very important for me to fuck her anally and I explained that, as a proud member of PMS, that it was my way of celebrating National Nude Day. Further, I told her that I didn’t want to disappoint the guys by not having anything to tell them. I told her that I needed to report back to you guys what I had volunteered to do, that is, of course, to get naked and fuck my wife anally, something that we have never done before. Still, she wouldn’t allow me the pleasure of fucking her up the ass. She, uhm, threatened to beat me unconscious if I came anywhere near her ass with my cock.”
“Damn, Nick,” said Hal. “You’re the man for even attempting that sexual feat, especially with your wife.”
“Unfortunately, even after promising to take her to the Big and Tall men’s department store to buy new overalls and men’s underwear, she wouldn’t consent to having anal sex with me. However,” illegal bahis siteleri said Nick beaming a big smile, “she did have an idea that saved the day for me and an idea, I dare say, I imagine, since I’ve never had anal sex before, was much more enjoyable than if I had anal sex with my angry, man hating, butch dike lesbian of a wife who happens to be a feminist.”
“So, tell us, how’d you get around it, Nick? We all want to know.”
“Well, because my wife is a card bearing lesbian, she suggested that she had a way to satisfy my requirement to have anal sex in celebrating National Nude Day. Of course, I was interested in her suggestion, as I really wanted to try anal sex. Really, I had no idea what she was going to do. Unfortunately, I think she misunderstood my intended purpose. She told me to get naked, turn off the bedroom light, and get on the bed with my ass up in the air.”
“This doesn’t like it’s going to end very well, Nick,” said Dave. “I think she understood your intended purpose all too well, if you ask me.”
“Well, I had feared that too in the beginning, especially being exposed in the way that I was with my naked ass up in the air. I couldn’t imagine how on earth I could perform anal sex on my wife perched on my knees, head down, and with my ass sticking up in the air like that. Until my wife, the good sport that she is entered the bedroom wearing her strap-on dildo. You have to love her zest for sexual exploration. God bless her heart. Let me tell you, I was envious of her phony cock. I wish my cock was as long, thick, and rigid. The thing was huge.”
“I knew this wasn’t going to end well,” said Dave.
“Now, hold on, there,” said Nick. “Alls well that ends well in the end and at the risk of being the butt of everyone’s jokes and being made an ass of, I just want to say, don’t knock being fucked up the ass by your angry, man hating, butch dike lesbian wife until you’ve tried it.”
“You tell them, Nick,” said Hal. “But, if you don’t mind, I’ll just take your word on it.”
“Anyway, Karen, that’s my wife for you who don’t know her. By the way, I must apologize to Eddie, again. My wife really beat the shit out of you back in March when we all played tricks on our spouses that culminated in switching house keys. We all had a good time with everyone’s wife. Hal, your wife was amazing. She rocked my world.”
“Thanks Nick, my wife is quite the nymphomaniac?”
“You shocked the shit out of my wife, Eddie when you appeared in her bedroom naked,” said Nick. “Perhaps, next year, Eddie, when we switch house keys, maybe you should stay at home and send your wife to my house instead. Admittedly, I think my wife would be more receptive to a pussy than to a cock.”
“So, what happened, Nick? We’re all dying to know,” said Dave.
“Well, first Karen gave me a few hard whacks with her hairbrush. She said that it was necessary to warm me to the process of her fucking me anally and that it would make me not focus as much on the horrible and unbearable pain I’d experience when she stuck that big, hard rubber dildo up my ass.”
“You’re a brave man,” said Dave.
“Yeah, well, let me tell you,” said Nick wagging his finger at everyone. “I stood my ground, I’ll have you know, and I told her that if she canlı bahis siteleri was going to beat my ass with her Harley Davidson belt to at least remove the buckle first. That buckle really hurt.”
“And did she,” said Sam.
“Oh, yeah, she’s a real Sweetie when he comes to me. She saw that he buckle was leaving red welts. She really treats good, real good, and she happily complied with my wishes, that is, after she kneed me in the balls and called me a girlie man.”
“Please continue with the story, Nick,” said Dave.
“Well, first she gave me a rim job with her tongue before she really started going at my ass alternating her tongue with her finger. She was tossing my salad. Let me tell you, I can never eat another Cesar Salads without thinking of Karen lapping my ass with her tongue.”
“Wow,” said Dave. “You are blessed with an unselfish woman for her to toss your salad like that. My wife’s not into anal sex at all. She thinks the whole thing is shitty.”
“Anyway, that was the first experience that I have ever had with someone licking my ass. Then, Karen put some of that lube in my asshole. Let me tell you, that was such a weird feeling. The gel was so cold. She lubed her fat little finger and rammed her finger up my ass real good while turning it.”
“Damn, Nick, you’re the man,” said Dave.
“I said to her, Karen, I’m really enjoying this so far, but I think it would feel a bit better if you removed your skull and cross bones ring before sticking your finger up my ass. And she did. She’s a saint, I tell you, a real saint.”
“You have a good man, I mean, woman, there, Nick,” said Hal.
“So, what was it like,” said Sam.
“Yeah,” said Dave. I’ve never had anyone stick anything up my ass. “What did it feel like for her to stick her finger up there?”
“It felt good and bad at the same time; do you know what I mean? Then, she started concentrating on my prostrate gland and I thought I was going to shoot my load right there. But then, she mounted me. She was humping me like she was a Greek sailor away at sea too long and I was a young virgin kidnapped maiden. That’s her favorite game to play. She loves it when I scream like a woman while she fucks me.”
“Damn, Nick, that’s just a bit too much information to share, but you really went to town on this one. You may even win over Hal this year,” said Sam.
“Don’t count on it,” said Hal.
“She rammed that big, black dildo up my ass and believe it or not, it felt good. Reaching around, she was pulling and tugging at my nipples. That felt a bit weird and she kept calling me Nicole or her bitch sex slave instead Nick, which was a bit disconcerting. I have never shot that much cum in my life. Yet, overall, it was an enjoyable time, maybe, a tad more enjoyable for her. And that is how I celebrated National Nude Day anally.”
“Here, Nick,” said Stan, “you left your rubber donut pillow up here.”
Everyone clapped while Nick took his seat and Stan took the podium again.
“Well, that was an amazing story, Nick. I thank you for sharing that with the group.” Stan applauded him and everyone clapped again. “And certainly, we are all pleased that the anal surgery went well to dislodge and retrieve that dildo from your ass after it broke off from Karen’s belt and got stuck there. That must have been a big relief for you, I can imagine.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Nick, “I couldn’t wait to take a good dump once they removed that thing from my ass hole.”
To be continued…
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