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Saturday afternoon dragged on as slowly as Josh was now dragging his foot. Having tripped over the leg of a chair whilst he was fleeing his eldest sister, he was now limping around the house with much less grace than usual.
After two hours, Jacquie had finally stopped laughing and gone upstairs to do whatever it was girls did in the confines of their bedrooms – make hour-long and pointless phone calls to their friends, was Josh’s guess. Finally at peace, he had settled sat down in the kitchen (on one of the other chairs, not the one that was responsible for his injury – he now harboured a keen dislike for that particular chair) and nursed his sore ankle.
He had just thought the pain was abating, when the front door opened and Dawn walked inside. Josh then decided he’d rather have the pain back in both ankles than sit here and talk to her. Unfortunately, his somewhat crippling injury meant he was staying put, for now.
“Hey,” Dawn said. She was carrying three shopping bags with her, each scrawled with calligraphic words that were most likely the names of the stores she had bought whatever garments were in the bag in. “Where’s everyone else?”
“Mom and Alice are at work, Jacquie’s upstairs in her room, you’re standing in the meal’s area and I’m sitting at the kitchen table.”
Dawn wrinkled her nose and brows into a sarcastic expression. “Oh, you’re so funny.”
“Don’t start,” Josh cautioned her, “I have a swollen ankle and I’m really not in the mood.”
Dawn dropped her bags at the foot of the stairs and sidled over to Josh’s side. “Aw,” she intoned sarcastically, “does little Joshy have a sore foot? Want me to kiss it and make it better?”
“Yeah,” Josh replied. “I have a sore ass as well, so you can kiss that too.”
Dawn stood up straight and crossed the room to the refrigerator. “Someone’s in a foul mood today,” her voice mumbled from within. She pulled out the jug of water, flipped over a glass and poured herself a drink.
“I just told you I wasn’t in a good mood!” Josh exclaimed.
Dawn finished her water and put the glass in the sink before walking over to the stairs and picking up her bags.
“Fine,” she said, “if you want to be that way, maybe I won’t give you your present.” As she said this, she dangled one of the bags on her index finger, looking at Josh with her head cocked to the side. It was a coy, alluring look; Josh guessed that she probably used it on hundreds of guys to show them what they were missing out on.
“Oh, great,” he said, “I always wanted a pair of those scarlet panties you wear.”
Dawn’s mouth formed an ‘O’ of indignation. “How do you know what colour panties I wear?”
Josh snorted contemptuously. “With the skirts you wear?”
Dawn shot Josh a scornful glare, held her chin up high and walked upstairs with that gait only Dawn seemed capable of, in which her butt swayed from side to side without looking as though she was doing it on purpose. The sad thing, Josh thought, was that you really couldn’t blame all those poor guys who fell like dominoes under her gaze. There was nothing worse than a person who boasted about their good looks, and actually had the looks to back it up. Josh hoped that once his acne vanished for good, he would be one of those people.
Again, Josh reflected on how well he had fit into this family, which he did on occasion. He and Jacquie were so alike in their roguish playfulness, always cracking a joke when given the opportunity. And yet he was also a lot like Alice – intelligent, shy in public and with a tendency to keep his feelings to himself, rather than out in the open. And despite their squabbling, Josh knew he was a very similar person to Dawn – which, he thought, not for the first time, may in fact be the reason why they squabbled. They were both complacent at times and independent and determined to get what they wanted, which for Dawn was the latest flavour of the month in sports stars at her college, and for Josh was extra chocolate chips on his ice cream. He supposed the qualities he shared with Dawn simply opposed each other, whilst those he shared with Alice and Jacquie made for a pleasant relationship.
When Josh snapped out of his reverie, he found that Dawn was back in the kitchen, wearing jeans now and a different top; her ‘around the house’ clothes, which were usually a lot more extravagant than most peoples ‘going out’ clothes. The jeans were hipsters, revealing a fine section of her belly, which was, of course, impeccably toned from regular sessions at the gym. Her top was a red, short-sleeved number with the words ‘Sex Machine’ printed on it in sparkling sequins. How, very, very true, Josh wanted to say to her.
The words on the blouse triggered something in Josh’s memory. He stopped for a moment, trying to recall what it was. And then he remembered.
“So,” he said casually, “how was your day today?”
Dawn had her hands busy peeling and slicing a banana over the blender, which would undoubtedly kartal escort be for one of her trademark smoothies. The good thing about having a sister who is obsessed with her figure, Josh thought, is that you always know what is and isn’t healthy. When Josh began going through the period of puberty in which he wanted to start working out and eating healthy (as all boys do), he found it was easy to simply copy Dawn’s diet and workout routines. True, he wasn’t exactly as dedicated as she was, and after a year or two, still had no impressive muscles to show for his work. Then again, Josh was blessed with that teenage boy metabolism, which meant he could eat whatever he wanted and not gain a single pound. He supposed he should be happy with that, even if he didn’t have a well-defined six-pack and biceps that could crush walnuts.
“It was fine, thank you,” Dawn replied without lifting her eyes from her handiwork.
“Yeah?” Josh inquired. “Find any cheap sales? See any good movies? Sleep with your boyfriend’s best friend?”
Dawn spun around so fast her hair needed time to catch up. It sailed through the air like the hair of those women in the shampoo commercials, shining just as bright and colourful, too. Josh was looking back at his sister with polite innocence, his eyebrows raised slightly.
“What did you say?” Dawn demanded.
“Um…I asked if you’d seen any good movies,” Josh answered coyly. “I heard there’s this new Brad Pitt movie out; or maybe that new one with Jim Carrey in it. No?”
“Don’t play dumb with me!” Dawn exploded. “Why did you say that?”
“Say what?” Josh asked naively. He would get her to say it, even if it took him all day.
“You know perfectly well what I’m talking about.”
“I’m afraid I don’t,” he said. “Can you refresh my memory for me?”
Dawn was shaking with suppressed anger, taking deep breaths and clenching and unclenching her fists. In that regard, too, she was a lot like her brother, though Josh was not to know that.
It looked as though the words were being dragged out of Dawn’s mouth with a fishing hook. “What you said about sleeping with my boyfriend’s best friend,” she said through tightly clenched teeth.
“Oooh, that,” Josh yielded. “Well, you see,” he began examining his fingernails, “I heard the strangest rumour today, and I was just wondering if it was true – which, obviously, it is.”
“Who told you that?” Dawn demanded. “Was it Jacquie? I’ll kill that bitch.”
Josh couldn’t stop himself; the sound he made was as natural as the picture he had already conjured. He meowed like a cat. Dawn’s eyes would have burned holes through solid steel. Josh didn’t move; he would stand there and face her like a man. Well, he would sit there and face her like a man, but that was only because he had sprained his ankle…running from a girl. Shut up, Josh told his inner voice.
“What was that?” Dawn asked.
Here it comes, Josh thought dejectedly. Dawn would take all her anger out on him simply because he was the closest animated object. Some small part of his brain told him he was being a hero, sacrificing himself so that Jacquie didn’t have to suffer Dawn’s wrath. Another part of his brain told him he was on his own and shut down completely.
“You want to see a cat fight?” Dawn asked. “How ’bout I dip you in gravy and stuff you through the bars of the lion enclosure at the zoo, then you can see the cats fight over you.”
Josh realised he was leaning back slightly in his chair, and would have corrected his posture, if Dawn hadn’t been leaning forward and occupying all of the space. If Jacquie or Alice or his mother had been here, they would have told Josh to just keep his mouth shut and don’t annoy her any further. His mother, perhaps, would have also told Dawn to calm down and leave her brother alone. But there was no one here to restrain him now, and he was never one to back down from Dawn and her tirades.
“Well, I wouldn’t really mind the cats and all,” Josh said, “I do like lions a lot – but being dipped in gravy; that’s kind of disturbing.”
Dawn leaned in closer and started poking Josh in the chest. “That’d be the least of your worries, you little punk. When I get through with you you’ll wish you’d been misplaced at birth and given to a family of abusive drunks who whipped you every night before bed.”
Dawn then threw her hands up in frustration. “Why am I even talking to you? Where the hell is Jacquie?” She stormed out of the kitchen and began climbing the stairs. Josh followed her, at a safe distance, and marvelled at how angry she was. Her hair should have been crackling with static, he thought. But no, it was still immaculately styled and full-bodied. Josh briefly wondered how many animals had died in order to perfect the flawless brew Dawn used to get her hair so shiny. His thought was cut off, however, when he reached Jacquie’s bedroom door, which was now wide open and doing little to contain the heated shouting escaping through maltepe escort bayan it.
“How could you tell him!?” Dawn was demanding of Jacquie.
Jacquie, not as adept at dealing with Dawn’s outbursts as Josh was, looked at a loss for words. She caught sight of Josh in the doorway and rounded on him, employing the same argument as Dawn.
“How could you tell her!?” she demanded.
Josh didn’t finish his explanation, as Jacquie had already turned back to face Dawn. That was the difference between Dawn and Jacquie, Josh thought – Jacquie didn’t vent her anger on other people; she faced the situation head on. Alice, who was different again, would be diplomatic and attempt to calm Dawn, which almost never worked for anyone else.
“Look,” Jacquie was saying, “it doesn’t matter. Josh isn’t going to tell anyone and he won’t make fun of you for it.”
What kind of deluded world was Jacquie living in? Josh thought. Did she even know him at all? It was times like these, Josh observed, when he truly felt the gulf between himself and his sisters. They would engage in fiery arguments in their rooms over boys and money and grown-up things like that, whereas Josh would normally chuckle on the sidelines whilst they argued.
“Do you know our brother at all?” Dawn asked Jacquie, eerily echoing his own thoughts.
Jacquie opened her mouth to speak, then shut it and turned towards Josh, who was momentarily hurt by the lack of faith she had in him. “You won’t tease Dawn about this will you, Josh?”
Josh looked at Jacquie, then at Dawn, and then back at Jacquie. “Ummm…”
“Josh!” Jacquie warned.
“Okay, Okay,” he conceded, “I won’t. I promise!” he added, seeing Jacquie’s dubious expression.
Jacquie turned back to Dawn. “There, you see – he won’t mention it again.”
“Well, technically you just said I couldn’t tea—”
“Shut up, Josh,” Jacquie snapped.
Josh nodded and took a step back, leaning against the doorjamb.
“That’s not the point!” Dawn shrieked. “You don’t just go around talking about other people’s business!”
“I was just asking his advice,” Jacquie explained.
Dawn laughed a mostly hollow laugh, though Josh was sure he could detect some genuine amusement in there. “You asked him for advice? What would he know?”
Josh was getting annoyed at the way Dawn was saying ‘he’ – spitting it, actually. He decided to remind them they were talking about him. “Uh, standing right here, you know.”
“Shut up,” both sisters barked.
“Right then,” Josh said, taking another step back.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Jacquie said. “I really am. If…if you forgive me…I’ll tell you who won that bet we had.”
Josh, who had been fiddling with a loose splinter on the doorframe, looked up instantly. “What?” he said. “You’ll tell her what?” He was panicking now, and rightly so; if Dawn ever got hold of that information, it would be the end of him. He would become her very own punching-bag, ridiculed and tormented until he became one of those people with absolutely no self-esteem who lived indoors all their lives and were forced to knit tapestries of nude historical figures for enjoyment.
“What bet?” Dawn asked slowly, her gaze uncomprehending.
“The one about Josh,” Jacquie reminded her. “About whether he’d—”
She was unable to finish, due to Josh having crossed the room in two large bounds and thrown his hand over her mouth.
“Oh, I know the one!” Dawn squealed, jumping up and down and looking as though she had found a massive sale on Louis Vuitton handbags. “Tell me, tell me,” she said.
Jacquie mumbled something incoherent, her voice muffled by Josh’s palm. He was horrified to see that Jacquie had raised a hand (the other was clawing at Josh’s hand which covered her mouth) and was pointing behind her, at him. He was even more horrified to see Dawn leap across the bed and seize hold of his arms, attempting to pull him off Jacquie. Dawn didn’t have the natural athletic ability that Jacquie and Josh possessed, but she had acquired the comfortable grace that Alice also had, which was bizarre, considering the way she was attacking Josh with reckless abandon. He knew that it would take her a while to get him on the ground, or beat him into submission, which she could do using her feminine wiles (Josh still had horrible – and fond – memories of one Christmas when Dawn had pinned him to the ground and prevented him from getting up because it would have resulted in smacking his face right into her breasts). It wouldn’t take her as much time, or energy, however, to simply remove his hand from Jacquie’s mouth. He knew it was futile, but he hung on for dear life.
In the end, it wasn’t Dawn that removed his hand, but Jacquie. Josh felt her slimy tongue licking his open palm and pulled his hand away from her so fast he almost elbowed Dawn in the jaw. Both girls were giggling like mad now, which bought Josh some extra time, as Jacquie escort pendik was currently laughing much too hard to relate any kind of embarrassing information. She did make an attempt however, opening her mouth in mid-laugh to say something. Josh seized the chance and made a grab for her ankles, which were dangling over the side of her bed.
Dawn, however, was quicker. She pushed Josh down onto the floor, face up, and knelt over his chest, one knee on either side of his torso. He realised immediately, that she was using the same damn trick she had that Christmas; her breasts were dangling invitingly above him, looking perfectly round and firm and oh-so-delicious. Josh clamped his eyes shut, willing those thoughts away. Luckily, Dawn was sitting on his chest, and not his waist, where she would have undoubtedly felt his raging hard-on.
“So?” Dawn asked, looking over her shoulder at Jacquie. “Who won?”
Jacquie’s peals of laughter subsided enough to let her answer. “You did,” she said in a raw voice.
Dawn turned back to face Josh. “Aha!” she said. “I knew it!” She lowered her face until it was about an inch or two away from his, her hair falling around them like a curtain. “No sex for little Joshy I’m afraid,” she teased.
Josh mustered all the scorn he could and poured it into the look that he gave Dawn. She laughed harder than ever, so hard, in fact, that she didn’t notice Josh moving his hand behind her until she felt the sharp pinch on her ass.
“Ow!” she cried out, scrambling off her brother in a second. “You little twerp!”
Josh grinned at his small victory and stood up as gracefully as he could. “I would’ve thought you’d be used to that by now,” he said. “Seems like the kind of thing you’d have done to you. Or wasn’t it kinky enough for you?”
“That’s not going to upset me, Joshy, because you’ve never had sex.” There was a musical lilt to her voice.
“Better than too much sex,” Josh retorted. “I bet you’re just crawling with crabs.”
Jacquie sat up on the bed and fixed Josh with a reproachful look. “Josh, don’t.”
Jacquie usually knew when he had gone too far, so Josh heeded her advice and made his way towards the door, wobbling slightly as he went. Jacquie came next, followed by Dawn who was chanting “No sex for Joshy, no sex for Joshy.”
Josh clenched his fist tightly. “I swear to God…” he said, making to turn around.
Jacquie put an arm around his shoulders and made sure he kept walking. “Don’t worry. Just let her have her fun.”
Josh turned his cold gaze on Jacquie. “You didn’t have to tell her you know.”
“Yes,” said Jacquie, “I did. You know a secret about her and she knows one about you. That’s fair.”
“And what about you? Why do you get off freely?”
“Hey, if you didn’t want me to tell her, you should have kept your big mouth shut. It’s your own fault really.”
Somehow, arguments with Dawn were always Josh’s own fault; it rather annoyed him really.
* * *
Saturday night was the usual dinnertime affair, unless you count the fact that Dawn was constantly mouthing “No sex for Joshy” at him throughout the entire meal. They ate in front of the TV, Alice and Laura having returned earlier in the evening. Jacquie and Josh had prepared the meal, as they always did when their mother came home late. She still made a regular effort to cook, despite her busy schedule, which her children were extremely grateful for. Jacquie’s cooking, though, was superb, which was a talent that had come to her naturally, luckily for the rest of the family. Josh would usually pass her ingredients and chop up vegetables whilst Jacquie managed the stove and the slicing of those ingredients that required finer chopping. They had developed a good relationship in the kitchen over the past few years, and it was one of the main times when the two bonded, which accounted for their close relationship. Today they were enjoying an exquisite veal parmegianna and watching Wheel of Fortune. As usual, Josh and Alice were guessing most of answers.
“Hamlet!” Josh said quickly.
“Damn,” said Alice
Dawn rolled her eyes. “You two read too much.”
“We read just as much as you,” Josh said. “The difference is, we read books, whereas you,” he pitched his voice lower so his mother wouldn’t hear, “read the instructions on the back of home pregnancy tests.”
Alice chuckled silently. Dawn sent a cushion sailing across the room, hitting Josh squarely in the face.
“Dawn, don’t throw things at your brother,” Laura admonished her.
Dawn stuck her tongue out at Josh and mouthed, for the hundredth time, “no sex for Joshy”.
Josh mouthed back: “Slut”
Dawn poked her tongue out again.
Jacquie stood up and collected everyone’s plates, then kicked Josh lightly in the back. “Come on, kiddo, let’s do the washing up.”
Josh groaned as he stood up and followed Jacquie into the kitchen. He called back over his shoulder, “Katherine Hepburn”.
“Damn,” he heard Alice say.
With a smug smile planted on his face, he turned back around and followed Jacquie’s bouncing butt to the sink. Followed Jacquie to the sink, he corrected himself. Her butt doesn’t bounce; it just sort of…sways. He dug his nails into his palms.
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